No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
