I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
