I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
