Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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