My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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