last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Randomize
