I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
