If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
His nipple licking is glorious
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