But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
