Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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