sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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