what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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