ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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