i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
