you're like a bully in the Christmas story
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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