I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
