He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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