some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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