you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
