wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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