I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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