Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
