i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
