She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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