...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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