awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he's gonorrhea incarnate
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
