we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
