What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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