what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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