he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
