I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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