These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
