I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
