I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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