I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
