you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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