Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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