He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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