my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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