I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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