Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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