But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
