she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
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Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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