i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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