She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
