do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
