i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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