yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
