I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
