No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
