I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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