Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
