As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
