dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish you could order shots online.
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She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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