so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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