Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
