i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
