a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
