the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize