Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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