guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
