Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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