How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
