Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
