he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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