How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
