O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
