I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
