jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
