i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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